Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Holy Crap...The Beach
This is going to be a quick mini-blog just so I can sort of process this.
Holy crap. This is happening. This is happening tomorrow. Yes, I'm am going to beach with friends. I am going to the beach with friends who may not know that I am transgender. This is literally happening tomorrow. I haven't really planned for this. A friend just invited me yesterday. It's good timing actually because I just bought a tankini this week. I also just brought some new shorts and T-shirts. Oddly enough, I was totally ready for this clothing-wise. Psyche-wise? Not so sure.
Right now I'm terrified. And elated and excited. I'm excited because I've always dreamed of going to the beach as a girl. And I'm terrified that I'll look ridiculous and not pass and look like some stupid, gross, ugly man out on the beach in a woman's bathing suit.
My partner even said to me "You know you can back out right?" But I think this is fate. I think this is my jump out of the airplane moment. If I had planned something for myself I would have vacillated or chickened out but now I can't. Or at least I won't. I'm in!
So, phew. This is me just trying to process this. Tomorrow I have so much to do. Gotta get a new wig, some athletic tape, gotta do some shaving. Gonna have to get up early to get all this done. It's going to be a busy, crazy day. Hopefully rewarding. But busy and crazy in the meantime.
Okay. I can do this.
I'll write more later. For now, I just wanted to get these thoughts out in the moment.
Wish me luck!
Editor's Note: This morning it was in the high 50s F (14ish for my Celsius friends) so the beach was postponed for another day. And I must admit that I was more than a little disappointed. Ah well. It's NYC so we easily have another six weeks of summer left to enjoy! There will be beach trips, dang it!