I loved these tights because they made me feel good and goth. The dress is a black waitress dress (one of my favorite styles). This was the empty concrete spot behind my first apartment in NYC. It was a shithole, but at least I was in NYC.
This was taken on my roof (another semi-private non-street location to take pictures). The silver dress was so great. My friend let me borrow it though I only ever wore it for one photo shoot. And I didn't even go out in it!
This was taken at about the same time as the previous three. The roof became one of my favorite spots for pictures. And this photo is actually one of my absolute favorite photos of me ever. I was skinny enough back then to actually show midriff. That wasn't diet or exercise. That was poverty skinny. It's not as fun.
This was a pic that my friend Dresden took of me while I was getting ready to go out in Astoria. By 2008 going out in NYC was literally no big deal. This was during one of my normal girl phases - as evidenced by my wearing pink.
This is also one my favorite photos of me ever. I was wearing a jeans and an ordinary shirt. I love that I just look like a normal pretty girl in this picture.
This is me being super crazy normal, to the point where I'm even wearing sneakers. At this point in 2008 I kind of knew I was transgender. I was out to all my friends but not to my family or coworkers. But I was still afraid to transition. I imagined losing my job. I imagined being rejected by my family. Plus I didn't really understand how to navigate the mental health industry to get the psych recommendation for hormones. It was frustrating and frightening.
This is me going out with my friend after a different day getting ready. We went out in the village. It felt really great to literally be out at happy hour after leaving work presenting female. It made me feel normal and ordinary.
Soon after getting my own apartment I started dating a woman who knew about my then dual nature. On one of our many thrift shopping trips, she got persuaded to me to get this black blazer. It was a perfect fit and it worked as a nice accessory to lots of different outfit, even a casual one like I was wearing in this picture.
Just for the fun of it, I tried to dress professional. In my head, I fantasized about going on a job interview as the real me. Of course I was still terrified of coming out at work and feared getting fired, but it was nice to dream.
This was my friend's Christmas party in 2008. It had just started snowing. I thought I looked amazing in this picture. Though at the time I always stood with my legs far apart. It would take me a while to figure out feminine posture. Still, I think it's a good pic, especially with the falling snow.
Look how skinny my arms are! Oh my gosh to be this thin again! Getting up on stage (or on a stage-like area) of a bar was major for me. This meant going out and being the center of attention. I was embarrassed though (mostly because I thought I bombed) and never went back to an open mic night. But it was nice to have a gay bar so close by home. It meant I could go out whenever I wanted and have a safe space. The Irish pub down the street didn't feel quite as safe. Though I did go to the Irish pub many times too.
I was on HRT when I took this photo in 2010. I had quit smoking and was sure that transition was right for me. But then I had a bad reaction to the hormones. They left me exhausted and feeling foggy. The fogginess lifted when I stopped taking them after a week or so. After that I started putting on weight. Quitting smoking will do that to you. And between the transition not happening and the weight gain I kind of just lost interest in being Faith. I figured that I could go back to boy me and just be happy with that.
And well, the rest is history right?