May 28th, 2016 is my official six months on hormones. It's quite a milestone I think. The first time I took HRT, back in 2010, I took it for exactly one week before giving up on the idea of transition. This time, I've gotten through six months and I must say that I'm super happy with the results. Well, almost. The one thing I am unhappy about is that I'm not getting results fast enough! I want more and I want it now!
Ah well. Patience. They say be patient. I'm trying to be patient. But, you know, on a day like today when it's absolutely beautiful in NYC for like the first time in ages, I start to lose my patience. Every girl is out there in her lovely dress enjoying the weather. Every girl but me! Erg. Patience. Patience they tell me.
Despite how much I just want to be full time already, there's still a ways to go. But, it's not all bad. There have been so many great changes that I'm absolutely loving. For one thing, I can now go at least three weeks without shaving my body hair. Seriously. It used to be like two days and I'd have to shave my legs again. Now I can easily go about a month before it becomes too hideous and has to go. And when my hair does grow in, it's golden blonde and no where near as visible as the Chewbacca-esque mess I used to have. It's perfect. I love it. Also, my skin is definitely softer. My partner noticed it more than I did but I definitely starting to notice it too. It has a much more "female" feel to it. Hard to explain but it's definitely softer. My body fat has also begun to redistribute and I've started to notice a little more around my hips and butt and little less on my stomach. I'm also trying to lose the weight too (biked to work and ate an apple for breakfast - go me!).
Now, let's talk what I think is the biggest change. My face. Seriously, I've started to notice that I look like a girl in my guy photos. My partner noticed it too. Thus far I haven't had any guy fails yet, but it's something that may be looming on the horizon. Once I get some more laser I think it'll help my face look all the more female. Luckily, I found a much cheaper laser place that has great Yelp reviews. I'm going to try them after Memorial Day and see.
One other thing I'm just not too sure about is the mood changes that many people report. When transgender women start HRT they often speak lyrically of the mood changes they experience; an all encompassing warm calmness that fills them up with sugar plums and makes the world right. No, I've not experienced that. If I have noticed a mood change it's that maybe I'm less aggressive and more empathetic. Recently, I've noticed that little things that might have endlessly annoyed me or sent me into a rage just don't seem to bother me. Like the other day when there were two old people taking up an entire hallway and walking super slowly. Instead of getting pissed I just thought "Well, it must be difficult to have limited mobility. I'm thankful I don't have that. I should be patient." Just yesterday at the grocery store there was a woman with two screaming toddlers and instead of seething in a rage I just thought "Those must be a handful. I'm glad I don't have to have that in my life. Maybe I'll let her go ahead of me since she has it so rough." I know- who am I?! This must be the estridiol.
And lastly, let's not forget everyone's favorite estrogen effect! I won't say too much because pictures really do speak a thousand words.
|And two of those words are "Hello, nurse!"|
|See, I'm like this century's Audrey Hepburn.|
These photos here were just taken kind of randomly. It was a nice day and because I'd been travelling first for work and then for pleasure, I hadn't really had a chance to get out girled up or really take a look at all the changes I've been noticing recently. So I did a tiny bit of face shaving, slapped together some seriously quick and dirty makeup and headed out for some photos. They actually turned out way better than I ever thought they would.
For me, when I look at these photos I think I finally see a girl. Not a crossdresser, not a guy who's faking it, but an actual woman. Maybe it's that I'm not wearing the usual long wig. Maybe it's because I just did a quickie five minute makeup job with no foundation. Maybe it's because I didn't bother with my usual shapewear. Maybe it's because I haven't shaved my body hair in a month and it looks fine. Maybe the short hair makes me look like the cool lesbian I'll invariably become. I'm not sure. But there's something about them that catches my eye. Maybe it's just me.
Well, spring is finally here. I'm not quite ready to come out full time but I'm getting there. Memorial Day weekend I can be a girl and I've got a stay-cation coming up so I can spend 11 straight days as me. I'm seriously looking forward to it like you can't even believe. Aching might even be the word.