Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Holy Crap...The Beach


This is going to be a quick mini-blog just so I can sort of process this.

Holy crap. This is happening. This is happening tomorrow. Yes, I'm am going to beach with friends. I am going to the beach with friends who may not know that I am transgender. This is literally happening tomorrow. I haven't really planned for this. A friend just invited me yesterday. It's good timing actually because I just bought a tankini this week. I also just brought some new shorts and T-shirts. Oddly enough, I was totally ready for this clothing-wise. Psyche-wise? Not so sure.

Right now I'm terrified. And elated and excited. I'm excited because I've always dreamed of going to the beach as a girl. And I'm terrified that I'll look ridiculous and not pass and look like some stupid, gross, ugly man out on the beach in a woman's bathing suit.

My partner even said to me "You know you can back out right?" But I think this is fate. I think this is my jump out of the airplane moment. If I had planned something for myself I would have vacillated or chickened out but now I can't.  Or at least I won't. I'm in!

So, phew. This is me just trying to process this. Tomorrow I have so much to do. Gotta get a new wig, some athletic tape, gotta do some shaving. Gonna have to get up early to get all this done. It's going to be a busy, crazy day. Hopefully rewarding. But busy and crazy in the meantime.

Phew.

Okay. I can do this.

I'll write more later. For now, I just wanted to get these thoughts out in the moment.

Wish me luck!

Editor's Note: This morning it was in the high 50s F (14ish for my Celsius friends) so the beach was postponed for another day. And I must admit that I was more than a little disappointed. Ah well. It's NYC so we easily have another six weeks of summer left to enjoy! There will be beach trips, dang it!

9 comments:

  1. Indeed, good luck! We had a pool party event here locally for trans/non-binary people, and even there it still took a moment to build up myself enough to just get in. I have swim clothes for guy and girl mode at this point, and honestly, with the effects of HRT, it probably looks more natural with my one piece with the skirt. You got this, piece of cake! ;)

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    1. Oooh. Pool party sounds fun! Yeah, I'm only 6 months into HRT, but seriously, swimming without a T-shirt as a guy might not be doable any more.

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  2. I hope you have a wonderful day at the beach!

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  3. Fantastic luck girl. You will be very good at the beach. Do not fret, just enjoy and get some fantastic tan lines. Always more fun to show them off. (or explain them) Have fun.

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    1. Thanks, Lisa. But as someone whose ancestor includes English, Irish and Polish, I don't generally tan. Pale girls like me try to stay out the sun as much as possible, even at the beach!

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  4. Oh by the way forgot to say earlier, you have some fantastic legs. Show them off at the beach. Get the accolades from the others. Enjoy.

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  5. You can do this! You are a beautiful woman, enjoy the day! 😘

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