Sunday, November 29, 2015


Back in 2006, I put my first video up on YouTube. Back then, YouTube was still new (can you believe it ever was?) and I was frustrated that all the crossdresser videos up on then were just silent videos of people walking back and forth or smoking. Seriously, that's all there was. So, I set out to try and make some funny videos that would be about crossdressing and transgender topics as well as just silly videos. People seemed to like them so I kept making more.

When I was really into "Thoughts from My Head," as I called my video series I put up videos weekly and ended up doing almost a hundred different videos. And they were of varying levels of quality. But I had fun doing them and, like I said, people seemed to enjoy them. I ended up getting several million views and I hope I at least helped inspire people to realize that transgender and crossdressing videos could be funny and honest and fun. 

Nowadays people have done so much more than I ever hoped to and I love that there's a medium for so many gender variant people to express themselves and be heard. 

In the end, I took down all my videos, feeling that I'd entered into another phase of my life and was ready to move on from them. I regret doing that (mostly because I lost all my view tallies), so in the past few years I've put a few of the old ones back up and added a few little new ones and here and there, when I felt like recording. It's definitely not the type of studio machine I was running back in the day, but sometimes it's still fun to record something. 

Here's some of my older ones I put up again. It's sort of fun for me to watch these again, because on the one hand, I'm like "I used to be skinny! Must get skinny again!" but on the other hand, I'm like "Why was my voice so bad? Was I even trying?" Ah well. Memory lane is nice, but also full of potholes. 

Hope you enjoy them and be sure and check out my channel too! 

How to Rid the World of Atomic Weapons

Faith & The Genderflux Monkey

Faith's Easter Rant

Advertising Adjectives

Bikini Adventure

Friday, November 27, 2015

Thanksgiving Day

So I have two friends who usually throw Thanksgiving dinner and invite my partner and I along. This year they went out of town and so we decided to go out to dinner instead. It was either that or post a depressing thing on Facebook saying "Anyone have an extra spot? We're desperate for an invite!" Going out turned out to be a lot of fun.

Our destination was Pier A Harbor House at the lower tip of Manhattan. I decided to wear my dark green lace LOFT dress that's been a recent favorite of mine. Seriously, I love how it fits and how it feels too, even if it so dark you can barely tell its green. It's a little chilly, so I wore tights, which I don't really like. I'd rather just have bare legs. Ah well, at least I got to wear a dress out! 

Dinner was great. The restaurant is beautifully decorated and we were up on the second floor with a magnificent view of the harbor. All the staff were super nice and I got lots of lovely female pronouns. There was a prix fix menu so I had duck confit (a little too salty & fatty), pumpkin gnocchi (super delicious) and a saddle of venison (super flavorful though really rare - I would have liked it cooked up more, but went with the chef's recommendation), Brussels sprouts with bacon (to die for) and cranberry cobbler (also to die for). 

Okay, enough about food, let's see some pictures!

Pictured: A photograph of me. 

After dinner we walked along the waterfront Esplanade in Battery Park City just as the sun was setting and got some great photographs. 

It was actually warm enough that I took off my coat. I even thought about taking off my tights, but that's kind of a crazy thing to do in public. Plus I'd probably need them once it got dark again and the temperature dropped. 



There was a point at dinner, with all the people around, then I felt a little nervous. Most of the diners were dressed up, but there were a couple of guys in jeans and T-shirts and I thought "Oh, I bet they feel ridiculous." Oh crap. I was wearing a dress and a wig. Was I the ridiculous one? Was I passing for a genetic woman? Did everyone just think I was some weirdo? Well, I was able to ignore the feeling and enjoy dinner. But then looking at these photos later, I realized I probably didn't need to worry. I guess I'm thankful that I can go out, even to a fancy restaurant, and just be a regular girl. 

But, most importantly, I'm thankful for my wonderful and amazing partner, who accepts me for who I am and will happily take photos of me too! She's awesome!

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Out in Yellow

As I've said before, I'm a little intimidated by colors. Not by actual colors, like I won't freak out if I see a red wagon or a green apple. I mean to say that I'm intimidated by the prospect of wearing bright colors. The majority of my clothes are black or dark, and while I've bought some red dresses in the past, I've rarely worn them out and ended up selling them or getting rid of them. They were just too bold! 

So this summer, after tons of people had complimented me on some yellow dresses I'd tried on, I broke down and bought a yellow eyelet LOFT dress off eBay. It was like $15 so I figured why not? The only thing was, I never actually wore it out. Not only is it bright yellow, but it's also kind of a summer thing too. I'd thought a yellow dress might work for fall and figured I could wear it with my black boots, jean jacket and maybe a red scarf. That'd a cute autumn look right?

That didn't work.

My black boots just might end up on the curb one of these days. Here they are in a pic from a while back:

Okay. They look like go go boots. When worn with black tights, I think I can pull off the look,  but when worn with a yellow dress, black boots totally don't work. Maybe, with brown boots like these: 

Remind me to get some new brown boots, or at least try them again. Last year, when the whole boots over skinny jeans became a thing, I tried a few pairs on but didn't like how big they made my feet look. I'm a size 12 in women's shoes, so boots just make me feel like a giant with huge Frankenstein feet. But they look so good on other girls so I'll definitely have to give them another try.

In the mean time, I totally don't have any shoes that work with bright yellow. Okay, I do have some silver sandals and that's about the closest.

But, on the day I was going to try and rock the yellow, it was in the mid 60s F (18C) and not really sandal weather. Plus my last pedicure was in September and my toenail polish is so chipped and messed up that my toes look like a Pollack painting. So, I just wore my black flats.

"Hey, those shoes don't match!" - The Fashion Police and/or the Federal Bureau of Fashstigation 

The temperature has been dropping, so was so great to be able to wear a dress out one more time before winter!

Actually, I had gone out earlier in the day wearing jeans and a sweater because it was so chilly, but then by noon I was roasting, so I headed back home to throw on a dress and get out in the warmth as quickly as I could. In this latitude, this is just how it goes. No matter how you dress, you'll be freezing at one point in the day and roasting at another. Stupid latitude.  Ah well, at least the leaves look pretty.

For a bit I went out in the neighborhood and tried to get some photos, but the light was being wonky and I got pretty frustrated. Plus it was insanely windy. Like, 40 mph winds. Seriously. New York is already a windy place (that's why we call it "The Windy Apple"). Still, it was nice to just get out and feel the sun on my legs.

After it got too chilly, I decided to head back in and play around with my makeup. Normally, I try and do a basic job, but as I was going to wash my makeup off anyway, I thought it would be a fun time to try some seriously bold eyeliner with a fierce wing. I think it worked pretty well, so well in fact that I wanted to go out again just to show it off!

All in all, a good day. And next spring, I'll totally wear yellow out again! 

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Showing Off My New Jeans

My love of dresses is well known. I love how free it feels to wear to dress on a beautiful day, the feel of the fabric as it moves about your legs, the feel of the breeze, the gentle and delicate way it all moves. It's liberating. 

But, girls don't always wear dresses or skirts, right? Okay, some girls do. Mostly their Amish or Orthodox Jewish or belong to other restrictive and/or crazy misogynist religions. Once I did date a girl for a year and only ever once saw her in pants. It was a little weird to see her in pants that one time. She was a serious fashionista though and luckily not in a cult or anything.

Okay so, now that I've offended everyone, let me just say that I really love skirts and dresses. But, when I go out with my girlfriends, I'm pretty much always the fanciest, almost to the point of being overdressed. My friends'll pull their hair into a pony tail, throw on jeans and t-shirt and head out to the pub. Meanwhile, I'm wearing a gorgeous wig, a brand new dress and an hours' worth of makeup. One time I actually had a friend dare me to wear jeans out.

I can rock jeans. I totally can. See exhibit A: 

You see, one thing I do like about jeans is that they let me be much more casual and I feel like the more casual I am, the better I pass. So I'm not afraid to throw on jeans and a t-shirt and go out as a girl.

Recently, I've been trying to acquire some more casual outfits. I've been doing some thrift shopping, Housing Works being a favorite, but I've also been trying to find some less expensive pieces on eBay. Recently, I picked up a pair of LOFT Sexy Boot Cut jeans on eBay for super cheap. You guys know I love LOFT clothes, so these were a great find.

The other day, I wore them with a Banana Republic sweater I'd recently picked up (on sale too!) for a perfect autumn outfit. It was a chilly morning, so the jeans and a sweater seemed perfect. My plan was to head to Brooklyn Industries, to try on a dress that I had recently looked at. I figured I'd give it a second shot, then maybe head up to the Downtown Brooklyn Macy's to check out some random dresses, maybe see if there were a sexy GUESS dress or an interesting Calvin Klein shift to try on.

Okay. That plan failed. I did make it to Brooklyn Industries and I did try on the same dress. It was on sale now, $20 cheaper than the last time I'd tried it on. But it still didn't quite fit right. I liked it, but it didn't have enough boob room. It smushed my girls down and didn't fit 100% right. Still not worth the money. 

The real problem though, was that by the time I'd hit Brooklyn Industries, the thermometer had shot up almost thirty degrees. What had started as a chilly fall morning in the 40s had, by lunch time, gotten up to the mid 60s. It left me roasting. At that point I developed a new plan; head home, switch into a dress and enjoy the lovely weather while I still could! 

Ah well, the jeans'll totally work in winter. 

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Sunset Photos

On a recent trip out shopping, I found this amazing lace dress at LOFT. In the stores I've been to, they have fitting rooms, then an open area within the fitting room area where they have the big three mirrors set up. Some of the LOFT stores even have heels you can borrow to complete the look. When I go shopping, there are a few categories of clothes. Firstly, there are clothes that don't fit at all or look terrible. Then there are those that fit, but I'm just not into. Often I'll snap a few quick photos of these just to share online (especially if the dress in question is silly). The third group are those dresses that look fantastic on me. For those, I like to snap a bunch of photos and I'll actually leave the dressing room. Sometimes to go check them out in the three mirrors. Sometimes I'll actually just wear the dress around the store for a while (after all, it's not theft until you actually try and leave the store right?).

This lace dress was one I totally wore out of the fitting room! I loved it! Yes, I totally loved it! And, since I had a $25 LOFT coupon, I decided to get it. What do you think?

How could you not like that booty? 

Another mirror selfie. 

Also, here's a tip you should totally take advantage of...sign up for your favorite store's promotional email list, but wait until you have a bigger purchase you're ready to make. You'll usually get something like a 20% off coupon just for giving them you email. Then you can either unsubscribe (or for gmail let them go to the "promotional" inbox where they're easily ignored. Smart retailers though, will tend to send out some really good deals once in a while. The deal I got from LOFT was just a free $25, though it worked. They got me to buy a dress I might not have otherwise purchased. Ah well. Though, they totally got me, so maybe you shouldn't be taking tips from me. 

I took the new tripod I recently got at a tag sale (take that, corporate America - you don't control me after all!) down to the Brooklyn Heights Promenade. It was one of the last few warm days before winter, but daylight was fading quickly. Luckily, I managed to snap a few shots before the sun set entirely.

Oddly enough, I got no weird looks, though there were a group of about eight teenagers hanging out on a nearby bench and I spent this whole time secretly hoping they wouldn't notice me. They didn't, even with the flash photography. So all is well with the world!

You totally can't tell in these photos, but the dress is actually dark green. It's super comfortable and I love the way it feels! I can't wait to wear it again in nicer weather!

Here's a couple bonus selfies I took when I got home. I like to smile in my photos, but I love how sort of glum and/or annoyed I look in these. Not really sure why I had that expression, it's not like I was in a bad mood, but I like them either way.

Monday, November 9, 2015

Autumn in Brooklyn

New York has terrible weather. We really do. Boiling humid summers, frigid windy winters, springs that seem to take forever to get here. Plus we get more rain than Seattle. But, we do have some perfect days here and there. There are a lot of those perfect days in fall. It's warm but crisp and leaves on the trees light up like fireworks. It's beautiful out and it feels great to be outside. Plus it's nice to have some warm November days so you can get out and enjoy dress weather a few more times before the winter comes.

The other day there was a high of 75 so I knew I had to get out!  My plan was have a nice day of shopping, maybe some lunch too.

My first stop was LOFT, where they had just put out their new winter line. There were lots and lots of black dresses to try on! I tried on maybe five or six. The staff were super helpful, offering to help me find other sizes and things.

Of course, I did end up find a dark green lace overlay dress I loved and got it since I had a $25 gift card that was burning a hole in my purse. 

Next I went to Housing Works where I found the black sweater you can see in these pictures. For $10 it was a total steal. I've been trying to get more layers in my wardrobe. The look now is all for layers, but I worry that too many scarves and sweaters and things make my shoulders look big. So when I can find something that doesn't look weird I am all about it.

As I was going around, I stopped to take a few selfies since I had some perfect midday light.

My next stop was Brooklyn Industries where I found this absolutely beautiful print dress with a really nice fabric. The design has little stylized origami cranes! I totally wanted to get it, but it was a little much and I didn't have a gift card this time. Hopefully I find it on sale some time soon, or maybe on eBay. 

eBay is great. I also ordered a pair of LOFT jeans for super cheap and also a red Brooklyn Industries over-the-shoulder purse that's really nice. 

Then some more selfies!

And since it's no longer Daylight Saving Time, the sun now starts setting at 4:30pm. I felt like I'd barely gotten started on my day it was already getting dark! Ah well, c'est la vie. At least I got some nice sunset photos.

Me on the Promenade, with my final purchase of the day; a nice bottle of pinot grigio.

All in all, a great day. It's so nice to take a day for yourself and just enjoy it! Especially when it's dress weather!

Friday, November 6, 2015

Female Role Models - Chloe

Okay, first off, I'm not being paid by Netflix to help promote the upcoming Jessica Jones TV series. Although, Netflix did figure out a way to actually get me to watch a superhero show. By having it star the amazing, beautiful and stylish Krysten Ritter.

Krysten Ritter is utterly hilarious. Her facial expressions are to die for. She can twist her face into the most comical of shapes, she can sell a joke with just an eye roll.

She's also super pretty, I mean, that's obvious.

My first exposure to her was watching Don't Trust the Bitch in Apartment 23. Personally, I love darker comedy and especially love antisocial, amoral characters. The role of Chloe, the titular bitch, gave her such a chance to shine. Chloe wasn't so much a bitch as she was a complete and utter psychopath for whom other people were either resources to be ruthless exploited or fodder for her own twisted amusement. She was hilarious! 

Plus Chloe always had the best outfits and accessories to go with them. Seriously. Look at the Thanksgiving episode, look at the killer red dress, those sunglasses, that coat, those heels. Everything: 


But beyond her fashion there's also the thing about the show and the character that I really loved; the relationship between two female friends. I love the idea of being a girl and having a best girl friend. It seems like so much fun! I just love the dynamic of it, the female energy. It's something I've never had before but hope one day I can. 

Okay, and beyond being funny, talented and cool. Yeah, she's fashionable and pretty darn pretty. And super classy. Plus, the other day when I was out, I was walking down the street and totally imagining that I was Chloe, just rocking it. What a super confidence boost, right?

So, do I think a girl should be a total psychopath? I mean, Chloe isn't a good person. As Stuart Heritage put it recently in The Guardian:

"Chloe is a monster. She’s Holly Golightly pushed to her logical endpoint. Vain, self-interested and conniving, she mercilessly exploits everyone around into enabling her dreadful lifestyle. She’s best friends with James Van Der Beek from Dawson’s Creek – playing himself with a crackpot intensity – and they spend their days in a vortex of empty self-infatuation. She pays her rent with whatever she can steal or blackmail."

So why on earth is she one of my female role models?

Because a part of me, hopefully just a small part, wants to be a super stylish, selfish, greedy, terrible, awful human being. I can't help it. She's the the perfect representation of the id. And she looks great doing it.

So, I guess it also gets back to a little bit of what I experienced with women growing up. Women were supposed to be servants; supportive, always sacrificing for others, always putting their children or husband first.

Not Chloe.

Of course, Okay, so maybe I don't need to go as far as Chloe. But it's god to know that you can be a woman and make your own path. Even if that path is awful and manipulative and ruins Thanksgiving for everyone.